In Love and War
by nayshdear
Summary: The thoughts of Pansy Parkinson the day her relationship seems to end. Just before the end of HBP, there are hints of it. Draco's POV is written.
1. Pansy's POV

I should have known. Falling in love with a Malfoy. I'm the one at blame. It was my fault, has it ever not been?

I wished to die today. That expression is used far too often to be taken seriously any more. Pity.

Second class of the day. Potions. Everything seems vague now. In my memory our faces are abstract. It seems as if it happened to someone else. Merlin, I wish it had.

Twelve years of friendship ended this morning. Twelve. I hadn't had a real conversation with him in what seemed like forever. He was distant. He was slowly drifting away.

I miss it so much. Even our little rows. Every couple had them. Could you call us a couple? The word 'love' never passed our lips. Thoughts maybe. _My_ thoughts that is.

That tone I used to adore. I used to admire. Was used against me today. He told me he hated me. He called me 'Parkinson'. He did it publicly.

I was too stunned to move. Too stunned to react. Too stunned to stop the tears that clung to my eyelashes.

They looked amused. They laughed. They thought it was for show. They considered it an act. Was that what we were thought of as? An act? Their naïve nature is disgusting.

_He_ looked entertained. The smirk gone from his lips. The one I always tried to imitate. But, it was in his eyes. Clearer than anything. Silently they mocked me.

He gave no reason for his actions. Why should he? He has never in the past. We all just seemed to accept it. After all, he was a Malfoy.

Slughorn's applause I still have ringing in my ears. The idiot had a flair for drama. Probably thought we were practicing for some muggle play. How dare he. Sheer ignorance.

He continued to look bloody amused. Stepping back and taking his seat without another word. Looking unabashed as he prepared coolly for the lesson.

I was left standing. Still expected to look dignified. I was required to take the seat next to him.

I brushed the tears I had not let fall on my sleeve when no one was looking. After all. _Parkinsons_ don't cry. Parkinsons are emotionless. Parkinsons are perfection.

I suppose I brought it upon myself. Falling in love with a Malfoy. It's not fair. I should have known.


	2. Draco's POV

I never said I was proud of myself. Breaking her heart. Did I?

I suppose it was a long time coming. I knew what I need to do this year. I as much as she denies it…I know she wants a fairy tale. She deserves one. I can't give that to her. Not any more.

I'd kill for more time with her, but we've had our chance. It was time to grow up. Time to face reality.

I've tried to separate myself from her since September, but I fear I'm just getting in farther. The expression on her face as I avoid her…it's something I never wanted to cause.

But, it's something I have to do. Something I'd agreed to. I can't say the _He_ would be pleased or accepting that I denied a lifetime in his service to be with _her_.

And part of me doesn't care what he thinks. But the rational part worships it. They ones closest to them always seem to get hurt the most. My mother is living proof. She tries to ignore it, but I know. I can see past that. And that scares me.

We were in potions, the most rational place I believe. There were scarcely a dozen of us in the room. I broke the news to her…maybe I could have done it more gently. Maybe that would have messed everything up.

I'm trying to forget her expression, though she managed to mask it well. Something we've mastered together. It comes in handy. Do they realize what they have reduced us to?

She merely sat down and managed to go about schoolwork as usual. As I knew she would. I believe it is worse than if she made a scene.

I knew I hurt her. And she knew why. She had things she had to do. Footsteps to follow in.

But, I saw her struggle to swallow during the hour when she thought I wasn't looking. I heard her unsteady breathing. The fact that _I_ had caused that was unbearable.

I wished I could have taken it all back, held her again. But, what's done is done. I'll be leaving soon anyway.

Knowing I did something like that…will bother me…more than one would normally guess. I never said I was proud of myself.


End file.
